Sometimes, being a human is crap. Indeed we're the very intelligent specy that owns a mind, but it sometimes hurts you like hell when it gives you some shitty feelings which you wish you have never know. For instance anxiety. I have always been that silly anxious insecure little shit since two years ago but lately I've experienced the most epic and harsh anxiety crisis ever. It has been over for awhile, but I think I will still feel the fresh pain marks inside me ages after. There are nearly no known human words that can possibly describe what I felt. It was like a hole that keeps digging by itself in your belly. A not mendable hole. You can't eat, because the cramps tied your stomach, and you are too depressed to do so anyway. You can't even think so much you are disturbed physically and mentally. You can't sleep so much the pain is unaccomodable as it keeps pinching your belly. I think I even had fever that night. All you are doing during these days is to bend on yourself, trying to make it less torturing. You can't even cry to let it out. You are sort of frozen inside, and beside doing mechanically what you were always used to, you are pretty dysfunctional underneath. No comprehension, and beside the notion of the pain, you are emotionally detached. Not to mention that you don't even understand why. When you try to wonder what bloody thing made you so fucked up, the only thing that comes as an answer is because just before the nightmare I had been hit so hardly that I couldn't get up because I have something called mind. That shit makes painful thoughts keep running through your head and with its conscience it makes you ill morally in addition to physical suffering pain. Sometimes you just wish to have no feelings at all but only one aim: to live and die and not to have such complicated emotions.